im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
