I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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