Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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