so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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