Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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