Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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