I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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