I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize