There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
