I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
