It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
