did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize