I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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