that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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