You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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