Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
