You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
