Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
