ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
