How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
