I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
