Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
