He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
