Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i now understand why vodka
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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