I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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