i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
