alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
