These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize