dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
