Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
