Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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