She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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