Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
