My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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