Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
