I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
