I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
