and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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