hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
