No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm like, not good at living.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
