I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
