my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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