My first STD was from a foam party
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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