just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
