You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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