Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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