I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
birth control should be required to get into college
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
how do you play pong handcuffed?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
