i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
