Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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