Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
