WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
