just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
