I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
