I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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