My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
