ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
