I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize