I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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