i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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