i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
