Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
