Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
