Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
