All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we have officially lost it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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