I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I checked into jail on foursquare
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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