Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
