I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
