omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
