Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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