My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
