This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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