I am puke
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
