we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i love accidental penises.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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