plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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