i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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